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The thing to remember, is behind our actions are the choices we make. Yes choices.  There are always choices. Before every action we take is the choice to take it.  In that choice is our individuality, our essence. It is in our choice of words, our choice of reaction, our choice of movement and action.  In those simple or impossible moments are when who we are comes to us and becomes tangible and visible to the rest of the world.  That is when we are unique.  That is when we are truly individuals.

Take note of what you’re doing; better yet, slow down. Try to become more aware of the words you speak and the actions you take.  Think about what you’re doing and saying and what it says about you.

When I found out I was going to be evicted I had all this energy inside me.  It was not negative and it was not positive. 

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It just is energy, conflict.  I accepted and moved through it.  I took action.  I made sure I had a couch to sleep on at the very least. I asked why in order to keep it from happening again.  I didn’t dwell or judge my previous actions.  I just defined them in order to not do them again.  It’s less of a matter of why didn’t I do this or that sooner or a matter of I wish this or that would have happened, but rather a matter of making different choices and actions in the future starting now. 

 I know now that you have to lean forward and put your weight on your front foot; reach out and be ready to accept the world into your energy and move through it.  You are only able to control you.  Put yourself out there and create opportunities for yourself.  The world does not change for you, you change the world for you.

So often we settle ourselves into our own little worlds when things get discombobulated or when we need inspired focus. We shut people out. We shut out the hussle and bussle of everyday life.  We sit in our cozy comfy living spaces and dive into our own minds, our own inner spaces to figure things out.  Alone. 

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The truth is we surround ourselves with wonderful people for a reason.  Use them.  Too often we don’t want to bother our friends. Why not?  I know I love being “bothered” by my people. I especially love hug requests (except from the creepy guy in the corner cubicle… No hugs for him).  So do your friends.  Seriously sometimes just a hug can make things go better and bring a bit of clarity. Pick their brains.  Ask what they’re reading.  Ask what they think. We are human beings and we are meant to communicate and touch.  Interact.

Invite people into your world and see how much they add to it. We can’t always inspire ourselves.

When there have been at least three consecutive days of rain, the majority of the population begins to get cranky. You find yourself saying, “No not today.  It’s raining,”  no matter what the activity is. The poor rain gets such a bad rep. I always say you need both rain and sun to make a rainbow.  The thing is rain is not good and it is not bad.  It simply is.  We are the

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ones who give it a value and let it dictate our choices and actions.  We are the ones who assign connotation to anything and everything.  Things simply are what they are. We make the choices, not the environment around us.

Tomorrow morning when you wake up, simply say to yourself, “Today is.”  That’s it.  Today is.  Accept what the day has to offer and if you it’s good for you embrace it. If it’s negative, accept it and just say no thank you.

Confidence is in your speech, how you carry yourself, and in the energy you radiate.  The Step 1 is always believing in yourself.  You can do it and you are that person! That is half the battle and once you have it, then people will just join you.  Tell yourself out loud that you can rock this no matter what it may be.  Try doing it in the mirror while you’re getting ready to leave the house.  Put some motivational quotes on some Post-It notes.  

And if you’re finding confidence in your project or whatnot hard to find, dig a bit deeper.  Maybe you need to find a different path or confront some fear before forging ahead.  

What it all comes down to is being your biggest fan.

As much as I believe in finding passion in everything I do, sometimes the intensely passionate tango of  “sex and cash” are a bit

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hard to find together right away and a dualism is necessary in order to find balance.  It is that intense struggle that we see in the dance that we live; that struggle of balancing love and hate. And if you’re holding out for that “sex and cash” job,

you have to ask yourself, “What am I willing to sacrifice?” and I’m not talking about goats here.  I’m talking about asking yourself what is important.. really important and what do you value; what do you really need? And if you find that what you love doing and what you need are out of balance, then that  is when getting a paycheck means a paycheck and nothing more.. It is funding what you actually do and who you actually are so you can lead yourself to the “sex and cash” life.  It’s a path of persistence and passion. It’s the tango.

So do not cope with your life.  Take it in perspective. Live the passionate sensual dance. And if you’re finding the dualism you’re creating is splitting your personality to a breaking point or violating your integrity, then go back to the drawing board and ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”.  If it is for the “cash”, then what is the “sex” part of your life?  What drives you through the life and fuels your ambition, and more importantly why are you not doing it?

You make your name.  Your personality, mannerisms, etc. Honestly, half the time I feel like I have personality

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disorders because I can never choose between being called Susan or Suzy.  Yes this is my personal crisis.  It is only in the past years that I’ve pushed the Susan name tag, before that and with my close friends, I’m Suzy.

So is Susan just a hat I wear?

I was in an interview today and after ten minutes of conversation, the interviewer started calling me Suzy.  I took notice of this:

“You called me Suzy.”

“You look like a Suzy, you act like a Suzy. Do you normally go by Suzy?”

“Yes actually I do.”

“I can tell.  Susan doesn’t fit you.”

It was like he read my mind for the past week. 

The cherry on top was reading Jason Kiesau’s blog today called “What’s Your By 30?” talking about getting to know yourself deeper underneathe all the conditioning done by the world.  And how this applies to this specific topic is that I was always trying to be more grown up and proper (Susan).  But for those of you who know me… Ha ha.. That is not me.  I’m more quirky and crazy and creative.

The more I think about it… The  more I must say:    Just call me Suzy. 

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger than reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”

— Anaïs Nin (via fabula)

I stumbled into a way to expand this depth: Aikido.

Photo from Flickr by Tom Saunders

If you haven’t heard of it, I’m not surprised. I hadn’t either. It was revealed (as the word revealed makes me think of discovering a great wonder and gift) to me through Phil St. John, a Des Moinesian definitely worth knowing.

Aikido literally means the way to harmony. You all know I was intrigued when I heard this. Harmony? Body/Mind/Spirit synergy? SIGN ME UP!

So I went to my first Aikido class.

The best way to explain my experience is to connect it to Jedi mind training in a very practical way. It is using your mind (your spirit not the actually gray creepy-looking matter) to focus your energy (being) to a body part. It was guiding someone face down on the floor with my focused “force of energy” not my muscles (of which I don’t have any way), not body slamming them.

Photo from Flickr by William Dalton

So with this theory, you need to be aware: aware of yourself and where you’re focusing energy as well as being aware of and open to the other person’s energy. It is an exchange. With the first part of being aware of yourself it has essentially nothing to do with your body but your mind. Phil used the phrase “put your mind in your hand.” Visually for me that made it all more tangible. There is a part in Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth where he asks you to consider your energy, feel your energy. He suggests you stare at your hand. Focus on it. Your hand will tingle and that tingle is the essence of your energy, your life force. It is this method that assisted me in Aikido.

I must say the awareness I’ve carried with me and released within myself is amazing. I feel more expanded (I’m not bloated!) in my inner space. I guess you could say I feel more earthed in that my mind is still wondering up in the clouds but my center is holding me equally between floating away and being too grounded in the dirt.

I do have few more thoughts on Aikido and my experience, but didn’t want to write more of a novel . So look for parts 2, 3, and maybe even 4.

I was reading a bit from Marty Baddeloo’s book The Personal Side of Leadership and it really made me evaluate those questions.  I will admit I’m quite messier when I’m alone and know that there isn’t going to be anyone else around.  Even as I sit here to my left are open magazines and a few books, a pair of earrings, a pen, my checkbook, and an empty glass of rice milk that was finished five minutes ago all piled on couch.  To my right is the remote on the

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arm of the couch, a mug of hot tea and my iPod by my feet and a glass of water on the side table.  But rest assured that things will be somewhat tidied before I go to bed or at least make tidy piles.  It bugs me to wake up to a mess.

And that is the thing right there.  There shouldn’t be drastic differences between when you’re alone and when others are around you.  If there is, perhaps sit yourself down and ask why this is different?

It’s about values and character. Those two things are not something you turn on and off like the lamp next to you.  They stick. 

The best way to define your values is to write them down.  Make a mission statement for yourself and put it up somewhere where you can read it regularly.  Mine is in my bathroom so I can glance over it in the morning and get my focus for the day.  So what is important to you and what won’t you bend on?

Once you have your values, start finding practical ways to live them.  For me, the values of respecting myself and not creating as much anxiety means keeping a tidier apartment.  I don’t like to clean in the first place but I hate it when things are erupting all over the place (especially dirty dishes in the sink where mold may or may not be present… Thank goodness those days are over!).  So I make it a point to do a bit of tidying before I go to bed if things are a bit more jumbled than usual.  And that is me applying my values to my

Photo from Flickr by maid_melanie

home life.  Out in the world, it may mean that I respect myself by staying away from McDonalds and their delicious McNuggets and minimalizing my anxiety by not sweating the small stuff, realizing someone dinging my door is just someone dinging my door. REALLY. It’s going to happen and the car is just a thing.

So what do you value and how can you put it to practical use?